Communication Problems
It is estimated that 85-95% of our interpretation of what someone says to us has to do with body language and tone. That means what what we say only accounts for a small part of the meaning we take away from an interaction!
Hidden in Plain Sight
A glance at your phone in the middle of a conversation can send all kinds of signals to someone. We are conditioned to “read between the lines” since our brain is so used to making meaning out of even the smallest of behavior.
A spouse interrupting you may tap into deep rooted insecurity that causes you to raise your voice to make them listen. This rise in voice may get seen as you being angry, to which they may respond in kind.
Perceptions are what color meaning in these moments.
It is no wonder that couples can get into over things like dirty dishes! The real culprit is the hidden messages we receive from the other person that sends us into a spiral.
Reveal These Hidden Messages
Slow down when you are talking with someone to catch some of the hidden messages. How fast these messages get communicated is normally what makes them hard to catch.
Reflect on some of the past arguments or fights you have been in and explore what caused you to get upset. You may be able to pick up some of the hidden messages you received.
Some common messages people hear are: I am not important, they do not care about me, no one can love me, they do not think I am smart, they would rather not be around me, and I can never seem to get it right with them.
The more you know about the hidden messages you receive the easier it is to clarify with others and to control how to react when they come up.
Experiment with it! Try to slow down and think about what you perceive someone is communicating to you. After you have it, check with them to see if you are right.
If you didn’t don’t sweat it, that is just a chance to explore how and why you got a different message!
